Unlearning Toxic Masculinity: Why Women’s Safety is a Men’s Issue

Picture this: a woman walking home alone at night, her fingers wrapped tightly around her phone, keys clenched between her knuckles like a makeshift weapon. She’s already shared her location with a friend—just in case. She walks briskly, avoiding eye contact, mentally running through the self-defense tips she’s been conditioned to remember since childhood. Now, imagine a man walking the same route. No phone clenched. No strategic planning. Just another walk home.

This isn’t an exaggeration. It’s reality.

Embracing change: choosing love over toxic masculinity.

The Importance of Unlearning Toxic Masculinity

This is why unlearning toxic masculinity is critical. It’s not about blaming men but rather recognising how patriarchal conditioning shapes attitudes toward women and contributes to a culture where gender-based violence is tolerated or excused. Many men benefit from this system without realising it, moving through the world with an unspoken privilege—one that allows them to walk home at night without fear or exist in professional spaces without their competence being questioned.

To truly address women’s safety, men must take an active role in unlearning toxic masculinity and dismantling the behaviours that reinforce it. This means moving beyond defensive reactions like “Not all men” and instead asking, “What can I do to be part of the solution?” It involves recognising male privilege, challenging sexist attitudes, and creating a culture where women feel safe, heard, and respected.

The journey toward change starts with reflection. How were we taught to see masculinity? What harmful ideas did we absorb from childhood? By addressing these questions, men can begin to replace outdated notions of strength with empathy, accountability, and genuine respect for women’s autonomy.

Unlearning toxic masculinity isn’t a one-time event—it’s a continuous effort to break free from harmful conditioning. And when more men choose to do the work, the world becomes safer, not just for women but for everyone.

The Role of Patriarchy in Shaping Male Privilege

Patriarchy isn’t new. It’s been around for centuries, woven into the fabric of societies where men made the rules, owned the land, and controlled the power. While times have changed, the echoes of that history remain—manifesting in ways that many men don’t even notice.

Male privilege doesn’t mean all men have easy lives. It simply means that, in many aspects, the world is structured to favor them. They can move freely without constant fear of harassment. They aren’t scrutinized for what they wear. They’re often taken more seriously in leadership roles. They don’t have to consider sending their location to a friend before stepping into a cab at night.

Acknowledging this privilege isn’t about blame—it’s about awareness. It’s about understanding that women aren’t fighting for special treatment. They’re fighting for the same level of safety and freedom that men already have.

Why “Not All Men” is the Wrong Response

Every time a woman speaks up about harassment or assault, there’s always someone who rushes to say, “Not all men are like that.” Of course, not every man harasses or assaults women. But enough do that women have to stay on guard—every single day.

This phrase doesn’t help; it derails the conversation. Instead of addressing the real issue—why so many women feel unsafe—it turns the focus onto men’s feelings. Worse, it ignores the fact that even “good” men can contribute to the problem by laughing at sexist jokes, staying silent when a friend crosses a line, or dismissing a woman’s discomfort.

The right response isn’t defensiveness. It’s accountability. Instead of saying, “Not all men,” the better question is, “What am I doing to make sure I’m not part of the problem?”

How Upbringing Shapes Attitudes Towards Women

No boy is born believing he’s superior to women. These ideas are taught, reinforced, and absorbed—often without realizing it.

A little boy pulls a girl’s pigtails on the playground. Instead of being told to stop, he hears, “That just means he likes you.” A teenager catcalls a girl on the street, and his friends laugh instead of calling him out. A young man interrupts a female colleague in a meeting, and no one corrects him.

These small moments build a foundation. They teach boys that aggression is a sign of affection, that persistence is romantic even when a woman says no, that their voices naturally carry more weight than women’s. And by the time they’re men, these attitudes don’t just disappear. They manifest in how they treat women—sometimes in ways they don’t even recognise as harmful.

But unlearning is possible. It starts with reflection. What messages did I grow up with? Which ones were harmful? How can I actively choose better ones?

What Men Can Do to Be Part of the Solution

Acknowledgment is the first step. But real change requires action.

It means listening when women speak about their experiences—not with defensiveness, but with the intent to understand. It means questioning your own behavior—have you ever dismissed a woman’s concerns? Interrupted her in a conversation? Laughed at a sexist joke?

It means making small but significant changes—like crossing the street if you find yourself walking behind a woman at night so she doesn’t have to worry. Giving women space instead of standing too close. Speaking up when a friend crosses a line, even if it’s uncomfortable.

And most importantly, it means recognizing that this isn’t a fight for women to handle alone. If the problem is toxic masculinity, then the solution lies in men actively working to change it.

The Bottom Line

Women’s safety isn’t just a women’s issue. It’s a men’s issue, too.

The reality is, most men don’t experience the world the way women do. And that’s okay—no one’s asking for guilt. But there is a request: awareness, accountability, and action.

The goal isn’t to make men feel like villains. It’s to make them part of the change.

Because the endgame isn’t complicated—it’s a world where women don’t have to walk with their keys between their fingers. A world where they don’t have to think twice before getting into a cab. A world where safety isn’t a privilege, but a given.

The responsibility of building that world belongs to everyone.